I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
