They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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