meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
