just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
