He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
