I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
