My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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