Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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