They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
