I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
