My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
