I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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