she woke up with a sticky ear
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
