if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
