I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
