You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
