i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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