Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
