I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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