I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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