you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
