Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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