i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
