i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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