areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
