He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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