Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
