My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
