Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
