K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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