I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
