Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
