Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
