i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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