i just wanna soil my oats bro
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
