There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
