fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
