so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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