Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
