I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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