He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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