Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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