I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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