If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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