I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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