How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
