I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
