please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
