im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
