some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So squirting runs in the family.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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