Will you blow on my dice?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
