I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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