so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
