I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
