i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boobs speak an international language.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
