I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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