The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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