i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
