im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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