tell your sister to shave her snatch
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
